Thursday, February 19, 2009


Growing up as a kid I was always told by my mother that
"if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".
Unfortunately that rule did not include what she often said to both me and my sister as children when she was either disciplining us or just stressed with work or life in general. The end result affected us deeply and throughout most of our lives. I was always up front of who I am no matter what but just recently I had an incident earlier this week that caught me off guard in way that made me re-think.

I was in the city heading to the SF LG Center at 1800 Market to get help and advice in trying to find more work and help because the government is taking their sweet time in hiring me at the DHS and I'm really pissed off. I realize that the economy has tanked, we are in a recession, and in California alone 3 million jobs have been lost since the Wall Street collapse. I get it. But the frustration of being in and out of work has taken its toll on me and my partner.

So I go in to see David and give him a copy of my resume and for the next 90 minutes I explain to him what I've been doing in trying to find work and where I've concentrated my efforts. The next 50 minutes I was hit broadside by a good lecturing, brutal honesty at being told what I was doing wrong and where I need to concentrate my efforts more.

At first, I honestly wanted to jump across the table and knock this guy's teeth out for what he said to me. I did not like it all. It pissed me off but for some reason I listened and heard and he went and gave me a list of the things I need to write down to aid myself in my search for work and to open my eyes further in the possibilities. WOW. I walked out of that office in a bit of a shock but I realized that he's right.

So I drove to meet my friend Peter who was eating at Orphan Andy's with a friend of his. Pete's another guy whom I consider one of the good ones. A good person with a heart o' gold who would take his shirt off the back for you and has struggled unbelievably hard even now trying to get his DJ career off the ground. The 3 of us sat at the table talking about image and how people in the "business" told him what he needs to do to make it. These guys were NOT kind.
After OA's, Pete said goodbye to his friend and then we proceeded to head to Starbucks or as the bears refer to it "Starbears" in the Castro just to catch up.

It was interesting to say the least of the heated debate that Pete & I engaged. There was a woman that sat next to us and she jumped into the conversation.
Pete is clearly angry at OBAMA and the Prop 8 people. He sees that he betrayed us and in some case even though I did my best to defend our president, he's right. Obama catered to gay people when he wanted our vote only to turn his back to us when Prop 8 passed. But as I said to him, "We shall overcome. This is only a setback."
The conversation was amazing. Pete's amazing. Such an incredibly gifted, warm, honest, and loving human being. What would he ever want anything to do with me I still wonder.

I dropped him off as he had a flight back to Utah at 6:00pm.

As I headed home, I wondered to myself about being true and brutally honest....

I've been with my partner now almost 16 years. I love this man for better and for worse. He's the one person in the world that I know without a doubt tells it like it is and is so honest you have to respect him.
If anything, Vic has been instrumental in so many ways in me and my thinking. I was never this brutal until I met him and I could never imagine myself any other way.

When we were out in the city during IBR at a bar called TRUCK on a Saturday night, there was a guy that has been wanting to meet Vic ever since they began talking on the internet and has been egging him on for the longest time. He was striking up a conversation with him outside, but was quickly shot down because my partner called his bluff. It was funny to watch that my partner actually intimidated this guy.

The past year however I've wondered if my brutal honesty has been too harsh and has hurt people that didn't deserve to be hurt, or was I not honest enough when I should have been?

I knew somebody in the city that had just recently gotten new glasses and to be honest I hated them. They didn't fit his face and took away from his good looks. They made him look like an overgrown goofball or just plain goofy as hell. Wearing any kind of hat on his head didn't help. Yet I told him that he looked good when it fact it was a lie.

What the fuck was I thinking? I should have told him the truth that day.

Another guy that was friendly to Vic & I the second time around we met him even though he was in a drunken stupor wore baseball caps and on some days he'd wear these 1970's sunglasses that would make him look like the 7th member of the Village People. And this guy turned out to be very attractive without either one. First time I met the guy I didn't find him attractive. The second time I was actually surprised that he warmed up to me quickly. They say when you're drunk the real "you" comes out. He was himself and that's what appealed to me, LOL.

He like Vic, is naturally good-looking.

What do you think?

No comments:

Post a Comment

comments will be reviewed