Thursday, August 18, 2011

100 MORE Things You Can Say to Irritate a right-winger (not necessarily a republican)

If you enjoyed the first list, you’ll enjoy the sequel even more. There are many things you can say to irritate a right winger not necessarily a Republican. Hit just the right button and you can sit back and enjoy the impending fireworks. So, without further introduction, here are 100 MORE things you can say to irritate them.

1. Let’s compromise.
2. We should raise taxes.
3. Every time someone votes for Michele Bachmann, another brain cell dies.
4. Life doesn’t begin at conception.
5. Republican Geography: Asia = Chinese, South America = Mexicans, Europe = “queers”, Africa = Real black people.
6. Dinosaurs walked the Earth before Jesus did.
7. Please stop typing in all caps.
8. By creating the Constitution, the Founding Fathers grew government.
9. The Constitution gives Congress the right to raise taxes.
10. Women can do everything men can do, and then some.
11. The Founding Fathers supported socialized medicine.
12. Democrats began as conservatives, then grew brains. Republicans began as liberals, then lost theirs.
13. Soccer is a great sport.
14. Foreign beers taste better than domestic beers.
15. Reagan was president of a labor union.
16. The sun does NOT orbit the Earth.
17. Conservatives claim to be Christians and then burn crosses.
18. Jesus didn’t choose to ride an elephant, he rode a donkey.
19. Republicans drive Hummers and SUVs to make up for “deficiencies”. (You know what I mean.)
20. Pajamas, to a conservative, consist of white robes and a pointy hood.
21. Michael Moore is the greatest documentary maker of all-time.
22. The official book of the Republican Party is Mein Kampf.
23. Ayn Rand collected Social Security to her dying breath.
24. A favorite conservative activity: dressing as Nazis to re-enact killing Jews.
25. Jesus supported paying taxes.
26. Yay! Glenn Beck is no longer on Fox!
27. Oil is running out.
28. Reaching supreme masculinity, to Republicans, means chopping wood, shooting animals and beating women.
29. Republicans remind me of Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam, and Wile E. Coyote. They bring the guns, the stupidity, and of course, the failure.
30. Republicans: Assisting rapists since 2010.
31. Russians are much like Republicans, except Republicans are less friendly to the United States.
32. Republicans prefer to play footsie in men’s restrooms.
33. Austerity measures were demanded by Republicans in 1937. The measures passed and caused a double dip recession.
34. The GOP Christmas mascot is the Grinch.
35. Happy Holidays!
36. The GOP definition of family values includes cheating on their wives, divorcing them while they’re in the hospital, being a dead beat dad, and marrying multiple times.
37. Rush Limbaugh is the only man capable of insulting African-Americans, women, homosexuals, Democrats, and Parkinson’s Disease patients, all in the same sentence.
38. The only jobs that tax hikes destroy are the ones held by Republican politicians, everyone else gets one.
39. Science rocks!
40. Segregation was a bad idea.
41. African-Americans are just as intelligent as white people.
42. It’s “nuclear”, NOT “nucular”.
43. Republicans invented the Income Tax in 1863.
44. Ronald Reagan supported FDR through all four terms.
45. Milton Friedman found a job because of Franklin Roosevelt’s New Deal.
46. Milton Friedman was originally a Keynesian, a supporter of the New Deal and an advocate of government intervention in the economy.
47. There ARE atheists in foxholes.
48. Milton Friedman regarded the job-creation programs such as the WPA, the CCC, and the PWA appropriate responses to the Great Depression.
49. Milton Friedman helped invent the payroll tax.
50. Tell conservatives that you’re, “gay and work in the field of behavior modification.”

51. Native Americans were here first.
52. The only President to ever resign, was a Republican.
53. The Republican Party: Spying on political opponents since Watergate.
54. The Republican Party: Spying on the American people since 2001.
55. The Republican Party: Rigging elections since 2000.
56. Infrastructure programs create jobs.
57. Republicans controlled government in the 1920′s, lowered taxes on the wealthy, and caused the Great Depression; now they’re doing it again.
58. Republicans can’t pass the citizenship test.
59. Confederate generals belong in hell, NOT on license plates.
60. Conservatism: A mental illness above all others.
61. No hablo Ingles.
62. George W. Bush took way more vacation days than Obama has.
63. Republicans enjoy wearing diapers in brothels.
64. The only parts of the Constitution Republicans love are the 2nd and 10th Amendments.
65. Republicans: Rewriting textbooks to dumb America down to their level.
66. Republicans loved the death panel idea so much, they’ve created real ones.
67. Republican politicians love their government-run health care.
68. To the GOP, “poor” and “liberal” are dirty words, but “negro”, “coloreds”, “n*****”, “fag”, and “queer” are not.
69. The Republican Party: Subsidiary of Koch Industries.
70. Republicans destroy the economy and blame the American people for it.
71. Republicans are destroying the dollar to get rich investing in gold.
72. Al Gore. ‘Nuff said.
73. Keith Olbermann is the most honest man in news.
74. Real hunters don’t shoot animals from helicopters and planes.
75. Ethics: a system of moral principles that Republicans fail.
76. Republicans: Trolling Facebook since 2004.
77. George Soros is a better human being than both Koch brothers, combined.
78. Republicans are fine with cutting programs that help the sick and poor, but refuse to cut NASCAR funding.
79. A conservative’s favorite scene in Bambi is when the mother got shot. Second favorite? When the forest burned down.
80. Ronald Reagan supported the United Nations.
81. Jesus had brown skin and he didn’t speak English.
82. I just heard that Standard & Poor has downgraded the Tea Party to KK+.
83. Conservatives have succeeded in turning conservatism into a four letter word, which means they need to censor themselves.
84. Republicans can read?
85. Darth Vader: Fighting for conservative values in a galaxy, far, far away.
86. Ronald Reagan saved Social Security.
87. Theodore Roosevelt supported universal health care and believed in taxing the wealthy.
88. Jeopardy categories like ‘Major League Baseball Stadiums’, ‘Pro Football Hall of Fame Members’, ‘Nextel Cup Winners’, and ‘Unsuccessful Reality T.V. Series’ will always be dominated by Republicans. The rest of the categories? Not so much.
89. Conservatives enjoy ‘Wheel of Fortune’ because it tests physical might and exhibits female slavery (Vanna White).
90. Conservatives hate political correctness and refuse to live in a world where sexual advances are not allowed in the workplace, vomiting in the laps of foreign dignitaries is not allowed, the term ‘African-American’ is preferred to ‘darkies’, and the term ‘businessperson’ is preferred to ‘that dyke down the hall’.
91. Republicans are carnivores, with most meals consisting of 80-90% meat-based dishes. Vegetables in any meal will result in vast leftovers that may or may not require a to-go box.
92. Republicans hate Scrabble because it requires knowledge of proper spelling and minor mathematical abilities.
93. Africa is the birthplace of the human race.
94. Republicans insist on having Ranch dressing with their salads since other dressings represent foreign lands and are not trustworthy (French, Italian, Russian, etc.)
95. Conservatives hate the Kindle because it makes the lessons of book-learning easily available to children and liberals.
96. God loves everyone.
97. Sarah Palin and her family once crossed the Canadian border to get free health care.
98. The Rapture is upon us….NOT!
99. Liberals rule!
100. The Constitution is a living document.
I hope you enjoyed the list as much as I enjoyed putting it together. :)
Edited By: Alexis Atherton

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